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20 One Man's Mate |
From Mary Celeste |
[Quayside lights up, much as for No 7, Story of the Year; Journalist, at the séance table, scribbles feverishly as Herald brings on a bloodstained sword, bangs her staff and, after the usual fanfare, sings her recitative, and goes into court]
Herald
Exhibit C is a disagreeably bloodstained sword
supposed to have numbered among the personal possessions of the
members of the crew of the ship or vessel supposed to be called
Mary Celeste and discovered by the appropriately constituted
committee of investigators when first they ventured on board
[Band, infuriated by the indulgent length of this proclamation, abruptly cut off the Herald with the opening raucous bars of the Editor's tune; his desk is wheeled on, and he is discovered reading a ticker-tape]
Editor
He sends an awful lot of scribble
and most of it is dull and trite:
{spoken} this cannibal here is a can't nibble
{sung}'Cos our Proprietor will never bite
[During next stanza Journalist rises, brandishing his freshly-written story: Charlotte Anne is fascinated]
Journalist
But nobody could call this gutless
This is gonna make the grade
'The sordid affair of the cutlass
with bloodstains all over the blade'
Yes, I sent it to my editor
Please print my new report
Nine inches if you set it all:
and even that's too short
[Editor already receiving the story on his ticker-tape]
Editor
He's cooking a sure-fire winner:
'Marital Problem Celeste'
Just needs some saucy sinner:
to get some love interest!
Journalist & Editor
Harbour girls, exotic dancers
They've got all the naughty answers
How do sailors ease the tedium
Charlotte
And achieve a happy medium?
[Charlotte Anne resumes her tune from the start of No 18, Beyond the Veil: as she dances she seductively sheds the many shawls she used in her spiritualist rôle. Journalist earnestly attempts to concentrate on taking notes]
Some husbands call me Anne
Some husbands call me Charlotte
a simple service with the lights down
your face would go quite scarlet
But worse things happen at sea
Your face would go quite ashen
see the knives come out
when one man's mate is another man's passion
[Charlotte Anne gestures to the deck of Mary Celeste where knives and passion are about to be aired: Journalist is still catching up with his dictation]
Journalist
'... see the knives come out
when one man's mate
is another man's passion'